Under/Over Scheduling Dilemma
As a parent, with 1 or multiple kids, it is part of your job to figure out your child’s schedule. This includes the obvious (school, doctor’s appointments, etc.) but also includes things like play dates, extracurriculers, and even free time. When I was a kid, my memory seems to be that I was in activities after school if a bus would take me home or if a neighbor was involved to ensure a carpool situation. I was only in multiple activities when I got a little older and could make the choices for myself. I would ride my bike around my neighborhood and see if anyone was around to play. Sometimes they were and we had a great time, other times I got a lot of bicycling in.
As a parent, I want to find the balance for my kids. I want them to have activities to be engaged in, playdates with friends AND free time to relax, unwind, be creative and get to know themselves. This is a lot trickier than I was led to believe pre-kids. My husband and I don’t always agree (if he had his way, I think only one kid at a time would be involved in 1 activity) and I stress about that balance. For now, the main rule is that they are only allowed to be in 2 activities at a time outside of school. Playdates are encouraged! And swimming is mandatory (even if there are already 2 activities scheduled, until they can swim as well as possible).
So what do we do? Well, I have found that too much free time leads my kids into trouble.
-Under Scheduling them leads to trouble: they fight, snack like it’s their actual job (likely due to boredom) and yes, as much as I hate to admit it, leads to increased screen time to keep them busy. Not ideal. -Overscheduling costs a lot, leads to frustration. parents and cranky kids. Also not ideal. Getting them involved in a limited number of structured activities has helped a lot. Dance or Scouts or even Skateboarding - we’ve tried other things as well, which weren’t successful but we tried! As long as it is something that gets them involved, gets them moving, gets them motivated (sometimes takes a few misses before we find the ones that hit), they can be involved. I have found that my kids are more likely to be creative during their free time, less likely to want screen time all the time (in all honesty, they ALWAYS want screen time, but are more willing to go without) and interact with one another so well (most of the time). They have been making us breakfast on the weekends, working together to accomplish things, starting clubs with friends to help save the planet, putting on magic shows, reading a TON, and just are overall more mellow (as younger kids can be, of course). They are calmer, more relaxed, and seem to be enjoying the time they are in activities as well as the time they are not.
Here’s what I have learned thus far - overscheduling to keep up with the Joneses leads to a lot of stress, spent money, and unhappiness. Under Scheduling leads to stress, fighting, boredom. That sweet spot is when enough structure is built in to allow them to be responsible and engage while also allowing downtime. Having them commit to something and following it through, even when they want to be done after the first week (see: soccer at 5 years old). Letting them try things that surprise you (see: ice skating) and allowing them to continue until they choose to be done (finishing the session that I already paid for first, of course).
This entire endeavor takes a lot of trial and error. My youngest is just about to join the world of extracurriculars (see: mom and dad spend more money) but will benefit from the sweet spot we think we have found. So the lesson is to figure out what the best balance is for your family and your kids. Don’t worry what your neighbor is doing or what your in-laws think is best. What works best so that your kid is engaged and involved but still allowed to be a kid? And at the end of the day, what is the most fun (overall)? That’s what you should be aiming for.
Enjoy the years the kids are young! Mine are still in the young-ish ages, but I am already seeing how fast time flies. That saying is true - ‘the days are long but the years are short’. Find the balance and schedule it out. Oh, and the best part is when you get to carpool. I am never going to deny that :-)
